I’ve been sitting here for the past Half hour debating on posting this or not.. Here goes before I change my mind.
I’ve just gotta vent alot out. Tumblr’s already full of drama so whats this in comparison? It’s my blog anyway.
Im Sorry for alot of reasons. I’m sorry to alot of people. Right now has been very difficult for me. I don’t know how to say this any other way or bring it up. I keep feeling I’m gonna do it at a wrong or bad time. But with this subject, There really Isn’t a “Good” time.
I’m in the process of Transitioning right now. I guess bluntly, I’m physically transexual. Male to Female. I’ve been seeing a therapist for about the past 3 months. I’m pretty positive I know this is for me.
Most of my friends know this. If you’re one of em that doesn’t know I apologize. . I’m sorry that you may feel angry that I couldn’t trust you to speak one on one and you found out like this. Maybe I tried but couldn’t get a hold of you. Or backed down at the last second. I just didn’t know how to say it to you. I was afraid of you
I know it’s crazy. Some of you even joked and laughed at existing people like me. Honestly,There isn’t any possible way I can justify how I feel with factual evidence. It’s impossible for me to do so for you. Maybe this freaks you out. Maybe you think I’m some kind of sick pervert. I pray it doesn’t. If it does, I hope you can learn to understand I don’t want to lose friends over this. Honestly it doesn’t change so much. I still love Jojo. I still love ponies. I love drawing and playing video games. I love to hang out with you guys still. I’m still me.. just taking steps to be more of me. Just if it’s all cool please Call me Olympia. Some people say Mia because it’s catchier. I honestly want to leave “Kuni” behind.
The other half that bothers me. I feel like I’m weighed down by these horrid feelings of idiocy. Things I wont divulge on here. Those who know and have counseled me, I greatly appreciate you. It’s just these kinds of feelings keep popping up. I feel guilty about that. I want to talk but I feel so stupid. I get the feeling ” Oh, she’s doing that again?”
That may not be true but I can’t help it. I’m afraid of my own friends sometimes. Especially those who I feel closest to. Especially the ones I feel that I’m slowly becoming estranged. Yes, I should say something. Voice it to you. But I just can’t. I shouldn’t be afraid but I just AM. If I have the nerve to post on tumblr, why cant I talk to you guys? I don’t know. Because I’m a coward and I’m more or less asking someone to rescue me. Because I’m a damn weak person like that. I’m sorry.